JohnDoe
Bryn
BrentonAcademy Awards 2007: the Verdict
February 27th 2007 09:41
The 2007 Academy Awards:
The Verdict
The Verdict
Poster
JD hasn’t actually lasted the entire ceremony for years because they always pisses him off by awarding the most homogenised, unchallenging nominee with wins. This year was no different, most of the nominees were undeserving but to be fair the best of a bad bunch won most of the time.
So the ceremony started and the instant the terminally dull Ellen (trying hard to hide her personality) Degeneres opened her mouth Johnny started daydreaming about who could be a worst host and Oprah Winfrey was the only one.
Unfunny and lacking any style or knowledge of cinema I don’t think I actually heard one amusing quip from her the whole show. Even Melissa Etheridge or Buffy would have done a better job. Even Jacks bald dial and coked up smile couldn’t save her.
Johnny did laugh though a couple of times. The first still has me giggling still. Turns out Will Smith’s kid can’t read, lucky that Abigail Dresden was there to pick up the slack for him. It's inexcusable, bad parenting by the Fresh Prince. Scary thing is the self involved ego maniac seems to be passing his shallow traits onto the poor little “Criss-Cross” lookin kid. (Maybe he’s dyslexic)
The only thing that made me laugh harder the whole night was when Borat and his little Miss Home and Away, soapy wife had obviously no idea who the uber talented and still saucy acting legend Catherine Denueve was, morons.
Two questions, why in the name of James Cameron did they bring back Celine Dion from her much deserved Vegas hell? More importantly how did Gwyneth Paltrow get her ugly head out of John Doe’s box? (He sleeps with it next to his bed and now can’t find it anywhere)
The awards themselves started off OK with Pan’s Labyrinth taking Art Direction and bursting out to an early lead in the tally count by taking Best Cinematography and Best make-up. JD dug the film immensely and ranks it, but the Cinematography award really should have gone to the visceral Children of Men.
Pleasantly surprised by the Motown wannabe’s being shut down for best song. I love this style and era of music too much to disrespect it by applauding sub standard mimicking.
Listening to the stars of Dreamgirls trying so hard to hit notes that true professionals like Diana Ross or Martha Reeves used to make appear effortless reminded John D of two cats fucking.
Astounding, they gave an American idol reject the Oscar for playing the one role she was suited too. Best Supporting actress turned into best racial stereotype, with gushing over emoting and repeated thanking of god. (out of the nominees Abigail Breslin, the only kid actor since Lucas Black I can stomach)
Precious, my precious.
The Academy covered it’s ass for past oversights by finally awarding Scorsese the Best Director award for one of his most by the numbers efforts. Long time coming after the revolution caused by the likes of Mean Streets, Raging Bull, Taxi Driver and Bringing Out The Dead. Still at least he got one and seemed happy regardless of its lack of real value. Admittedly it was a moment in time to see it presented by fellow Easy Rider, Raging Bull gods and monsters Coppolla, Spielberg and Lucas.
Earning a Best Adapted Screenplay nod too, the Departed was a nifty wordplay but for JD’s money Children of Men is one of the finest novel to Screen Adaptions ever to go unrecognized.
Last gripe, Fuckin Happy Feet! How the hell does an animated feature about karaoking Penguins beat out the sublime goodness and genuine thrill of Monster House? This one cut me deep Shrek, it cut me deep.
Hail to the king baby.
On the positive side, Forrest Whitaker is recognized as the best actor of the year, for those who came in late check out Ghost Dog and Birdy to see two reasons why Johnny loves this guy.
Alan Arkin is also a cool Kat and was head and shoulders above his competition for Supporting Actor. Makes me want to go do rails in the bedroom and watch Wait Until Dark with the lights off.
Hellen Mirren winning for the Queen was fair enough as well, quite an astounding job of putting a human face on an alien life.
The Director of the show earned some kudos too. Their were some tingly camera angles interspersed, like back stage with Marty watching on from the sidelines as Departed takes best pic.
It was also a less is more affair when it came to musical dance numbers and the like. Instead amazing body contortionists gave us recognizable images from the nominees.
Jerry Seinfeld did his old schtick and it was still marginally amusing, thankfully he had some movie based humour instead of celebrity gushing.
Not worth staying up for, but now the yelling and stomping has finished it was a lot better choices than previous years. But don’t we all wish Jon Stewart would come back?
And here they are the winners for the evening.
Best actor in a leading role
Forest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland”
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Alan Arkin in “Little Miss Sunshine”
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Helen Mirren in “The Queen”
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Jennifer Hudson in “Dreamgirls”
Best animated feature film of the year
“Happy Feet” George Miller
Achievement in art direction
“Pan’s Labyrinth”
Art Direction: Eugenio Caballero
Set Decoration: Pilar Revuelta
Achievement in cinematography
“Pan’s Labyrinth” Guillermo Navarro
Achievement in costume design
“Marie Antoinette” Milena Canonero
Achievement in directing
“The Departed” Martin Scorsese
Best documentary feature
“An Inconvenient Truth”
A Lawrence Bender/Laurie David Production
Davis Guggenheim
Achievement in film editing
“The Departed”
Thelma Schoonmaker
Best foreign language film of the year
“The Lives of Others”
A Wiedemann & Berg Production
Germany
Achievement in makeup
“Pan’s Labyrinth” David Martí and Montse Ribé
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“Babel” Gustavo Santaolalla
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“I Need to Wake Up” from “An Inconvenient Truth”
Music and Lyric by Melissa Etheridge
Best motion picture of the year
“The Departed”
A Warner Bros. Pictures Production
Graham King, Producer
Achievement in sound editing
“Letters from Iwo Jima”
Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman
Achievement in sound mixing
“Dreamgirls”
Michael Minkler, Bob Beemer and Willie Burton
Achievement in visual effects
“Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and Allen Hall
Adapted screenplay
“The Departed”
Screenplay by William Monahan
Original screenplay
“Little Miss Sunshine”
Written by Michael Arndt
Below you can see Forrest Whitaker take home the gold statue.
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Comment by David
I didn't watch the Oscars ... Never do ... but that's okay ... Why should I in these days of net porn? ... * Gwynneth never gives me head ... *
Scorcese? Long overdue. Agree. But why not give it to him for his better films? ... Agree again ...
One of my favourite Scorcese moments of all time? Is his cameo in Taxi Driver ... (When he is Travis Bickle's fare ... and wants Travis to see the 'Afro-American' who is 'fucking' his wife ... and he says [while laughing as sickly as I do] ... "I bet you think I'm a sick fuck. Don't you? It's okay if you do, cabbie" ... [accompanied by totally evil Scorcese grin]
Haven't seen Forrest Whitaker's latest performance ... but the thing I remember most about him ... ? ... Is that he was in the film 'Smoke' ... and to this day? ... I still reckon the final scene (in blue tones) is one of the most moving pieces of cinema I've ever seen ... 'The Christmas Story' ... The Afro-American, blind woman who smiles, and pretends that Harvey Keitel's charcter is her grandson? ...
And that's pretty much it as regards the Oscars ... I'm too busy writing my acceptance speech for when I win one (with a bit of help from Gwynneth's private emails) ... ***
David ...
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
As for the Oscars totally understand why you avoid them. Whinging about them afterwards is about the only joy. (Id be lying if I didnt admit to enjoying Jack' whacked out smirk)
Comment by David
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
I agree that Ellen was pretty fuckin dull.
I actually liked Seinfeld's bit... I thought he was great when he introduced the documentaries as 'these five depressing films', hahaha I actually laughed out loud.
I put up a big Oscar spiel over on the oldmovies blog.
Comment by The Duke
Last night just proved to me that the Oscars aren’t about awarding talent or genuinely great acting roles. Mostly I’ve always held that even someone as pilloried and hated…no, despised even now…in the Hollywood establishment as Marilyn Monroe should have won for both Bus Stop and Some Like It Hot…if not The Misfits as well. Not forgetting the aforementioned Messers O’Toole, Harris and Burton. Along with Edward G Robinson (for his role in Double Indemnity alone), Cary Grant (for To Catch a Thief, North by Northwest, and even Charade), Peter Sellers (who should have got it for Being There…if not The Party) and Kirk Douglas (for Strange Love of Martha Ivcrs, Champion and maybe even Seven Days in May).
I know that there are some people out there that think Halle Berry deserved her Oscar win for Monster’s Ball but then again there are people that gain sexual pleasure from molesting children so there’s no accounting for taste. And Julia Roberts getting one for playing the whore with the heart of gold in Erin Brockovich shows me that the Academy people still haven’t forgotten Norma Rae and Silkwood and extrapolate those movies onto anything that has people kicking against the pricks and reward the movie and actors accordingly.
Not forgetting that of late the Oscars have rewarded people from the dark side of behaviour. The three people who won awards for being abberant people that spring to mind are Anthony Hopkins for the worst written “bad guy” character in history, Hannibal Lecter, Charlize Theron playing Aileen Wournos, a bulldyke serial killer who shot her male victims in the balls and, of course, last night’s winner, Forest Whittaker, for playing one of the worst despots in history. But then I know perfectly rational people who idolize Che Guevara, who was nothing more than a terrorist who murdered people in cold blood to further his own ends.
Actually, thinking about it, maybe just maybe those actors, including Marilyn, that didn’t win academy awards are better off. Who in there right mind would want to be lumped with Julia Roberts, Elizabeth Taylor (whose acting range goes from whorish innocent to screaming drunken harridan) and now the failed American Idol Jennifer Hudson (for fuck’s sake how bad was she to be turfed off before the end?)
I mean Kelly “I’ve heard bowel movements with more harmony” Clarkson…who is so fat she shouldn’t even be able to sing won that fucking show...is it because she flashed her tits and I missed it? Or is the movie really called When Justin Saw The White Sticky Stuff On Kelly's Face Wasn't Cream From All Those Eclairs She Was Eating or I Was An Early 20s Cocksucker. Tokenism is fine if the people that get the awards are worthy of the salutation...being black, gay, Jewish or havinging a mouth with the sucking power of a Hoover shouldn't be awarded.
Oh well, as Marilyn Monroe said when she formed her company with Milton Greene, "At least now I won't have to suck anymore Jewish cock". While she had to chow down on a studio head (well, that's a single entendre) when the company went ass over, she was right about the Jewish part btw...when she went back to the 20th Century Sewer...she had to suck on Spyros Skouras's Galaktoboureko...which is filo pastry filled with custard...so the allegory is correct in therom if not practicality...that's not even a single entendre...it's a statement)
Outside of everything, there is one thing I know for sure and certain, Jessica Simpson will never, ever win an academy award. She will, however, win an AVN (Adult Video News) award for best facial or best gangbang (Not the kind that reformed Crip Forest Whittaker was oft involved in) in an “adult” movie. Now that’s something I’d pay 15 bucks to see in a movie.
I have a feeling this may incur some negative comments...but I speak my mind...so what can you do?
Gee...let me think...start fucking awarding people with fucking talent again, you stupid fuckwads at the academy...not token coconuts and bulldykes (who thank their wives...whose union is only accepted in new jersey and some of the more liberal backwaters)
I feel better now.
Comment by Bhumika
Political Minds
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Hi Luke,
Will head over and check out your post soon.
Oh Duke,
Absolutely love the rant, kept me laughing throughout. I agree with most of it...ex-hood or not Forrest was Ghost Dog and will forever be worthy in my eyes..
So true that the best are never awarded or even recognized till years later...and hammy, unrealistic performances are the only ones voters notice...
Would love to chat some more but have to go to work.....keep the rage buddy.
Hi Bhumika,
Hudson winning was an insult...plain and simple...shoot me now so I dont have to put up with her face plastered all over magazines and media devices.
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
You can always leave in 24 hours and shave your head...
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Duke's rant was even more of one!
I'm gonna boycot the Oscars next year.
Unless of course I get nominated.
Comment by Luke
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Bryn, how dare you confirm my worst fears of the Duke showing me up......I wont sleep for a week now......it was a mighty fine rant by the man...
Luke, seriously the more you love films, the less interesting the Oscars become....just say no, I know you can.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Good rave, I never watch them either... just learnt about AIT from your rave...
Lilla ...
Comment by John R
On that, if Ryan Phillipe isn't a fag then I'm not a fat, unlovable shut in.
Anyway, the Oscars are a joke and I think Al Gore will run with either John Edwards so they can be the Bobby Kennedy boys or with Barack O'Whitey, for the Mulatto vote (which I think is Halle Berry and that Canadian chick that Bill Cosby raped's kid).
Jungle Fever.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
An Inconvenient Truth winning was fair enough...but that doco Jesus camp looks like a must see too.
Hi John R,
Totally with you on Luber Lips Roberts winning anything other than Miss Congeniality, she has a Pirahana's style for chewing scenery.
Love the twisted Cosby wit.