JohnDoe
Bryn
Brenton
John Doe's Favourite Self-Surgery Scenes in Cinema
Self repair, physician heal thy self
The Terminator's eye amputation.
John Doe apologizes for his absence. Currently ensconced in the molding and shaping of a feature film screenplay he has hit a wall. In this post modern noir story that JD is working on there is demand for an injured protagonist to perform minor surgery on himself. Trying to stay original it got him thinking about the best scenes of this type in the history of cinema.
Some silver screen tough guys are not just adept at killing, maiming and dismembering others. There is a select few equally proficient in basic doctoral duties that mend the damage they cause. Capable of performing in field surgical procedures…wounds directly related to their deadly expertise being stabbed, beaten or shot with any number of potentially lethal devices.
Even less than that small group is an elite collection of film survivalists that refuse to quit, can ignore pain and mend their own severe lacerations. Capable of inserting scalpels into their torsos or grabbing a needle and thread to suture, inflicting numerous colorful forms of self torture and mutilation, this pack of stone cold hombres will nearly always be the last man or women standing.
Here are some of John Doe’s favourite character Self-Surgery moments:
Rambo - The great outdoors man
Hardcore was what this was back in 1982. John Rambo launches himself from a towering cliff that would make Butch and Sundance wince. Purposefully landing in the treetops below in order to slow his descent. On the way down Rambo smashes the thick branches and one rips his arm open. Most of us would call “game over” about there but our man Rambo pulls out a machete sized survival knife and in its handle finds a needle and thread. Wince worthy bonding of flesh proceeds with just a little grunting.
The Terminator
Back in the day’s before Arnold was a viable solution to California’s political woes he was an unstoppable killing machine, genuinely frightening and foreboding. What really made him terrifying was the idea that he “will hunt you down. He will not stop.” Our proof came about half way through the film when with scalpel in hand the T100 slices open his arm for some mechanical troubleshooting. Then he pops out his own eye ball into the sink without a peep. (Note – there is another cool one in the extended version of Terminator 2 where the unscrewing of his head demands a little humanoid assistance.)
The Terminator feels no pain.
Jason Patric without his hot iron in RUSH
Rush
Jason Patric proved he was more than just a “Lost Boy” playing Jim Raynor, an undercover narc who has crossed the line by dippin’ into evidence for a fix. Violently wrestling with his addiction he comes out the other side. The only physical signs of his narcotic abuse remain on his arm in the form of syringe punctures. Having to face an inquiry, determined to remain clean and to seal any weeping wounds, a hot iron soon makes an appearance in our wayward officers spiraling life. A quick flick of water to the base, steam rises and skin sizzles.
No Country for Old Men
The one thing that our man Javier has in the cahonees department over these other guys is he thinks ahead and remembers to grab some local anesthetic when raiding a pharmacy for emergency medical supplies. Sure it still hurts him when the time comes to patch himself up, but the operation could have been unbearable had he not had the experience to know the right prescription for the job.
Taking the fastest route into the minds eye.
Pi
Questionable as to whether this heals or murders Maximilian (Sean Gullette), the tormented genius that needs to lobotomize the numbers from his brain in this epic head screw film. Being the genius he is after careful evaluation and deliberate actions, a power drill is chosen as the ideal instrument with which to begin the cranial evacuation.
De Niro doesn't look happy behind teh wheel...wait to see how grumpy getting shot will make him
It could be argued that this bullet removal system demanded two players but John D asks which would be tougher. Robert De Niro doing it himself, or talking the amateur through the proper use of pincers and gauze when extracting a gunshot. The right answer is what we see in the film. A shot up Robert De Niro barely holding on, having to lie on a table and orate technique and emphasize how much it hurts if its done wrong.
Lethal Weapon 2
Is Martin Rigg’s an expert assassin who happens to wear a badge ? Yeah, but in his defense he was just trained that way. Is he an Irresponsible cop? You bet, makes Lt “Dirty” Harry Callahan look open minded and objective! For proof look no further than when Rigg’s dislocates his own shoulder to win a bet. Trouble is it has to be popped back in by smashing the shoulder against hard metal lockers.
Shrink - “Why do you this to yourself”
Rigg’s – (Pointing around the room)
“Well they won’t let me do it”
That scene from Lethal Weapon 2
Outnumbered and Outgunned? maybe Cocaine is your steroid of choice!
Sure this self repair job fails but it certainly makes for a harder man to bring down. Outnumbered, out gunned with certain death only a flight of stairs away. In a desperate bid to survive Scarface buries his face in a mountain of cocaine to get his mind and body in the right place to soldier on through. Oh and he brings his “liddle frends”…one day JD will write about this movie and not mention those silly little guys.
Wall-E
Sure it’s only a mechanical sensor posing as a set of sympathetic eyes, but that’s an arm, a leg, at least a finger or a toe for us humans. John Doe fell for the little “number 5 is alive” clone and the part where Wall-E transfers his spare parts was the moment JD realized he had started to care about this nuts and bolts waste disposal unit.
So what is your favourite? There are plenty more!
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
What about Tom Hanks taking out a tooth in Castaway?
Not to dinner and a movie. With an ice skate.
Interesting list, JohnDoe.
Horrorphile
My faves were the last two: cocaine and WALL-E's eye socket.
I'm gonna review Scarface for Cult Projections in the next week or so myself.
Film & TV on DVD
Chow, celluloid and a blade, sounds interesting too.
Always cool to have some of the original crew drop by Norm....have been meaning to visit your site for a humor fix.
Film & TV on DVD
You can do better than that. I purposefully left off several juicy self repair scenes from horror films. And a few obvious ones like Predator.
What are some others that spring from the dark recesses of your mind?
Glad you can appreciate the nuance of the Montana-E tip.
I have resisted a Scarface review for fear of not doing it justice. can't wait to read your thoughts.
Horrorphile
Hellbound: Hellraiser II
In My Skin
although some of these are fetish mutilation, so a little different.
20/20 Filmsight
Screen Fanatic
Film & TV on DVD
Great one with The Fly, the Brundle-fly was destined to be swatted.
In My Skin is more in the self mutilation than self repair arena, as you said....like Secretary, and May etc...I was tempted to divesify too
Film & TV on DVD
BUG was has been so under discussed, it's a very interesting returning of creativity for Friedkin.
The teeth extraction certainly counts.
The one in 12 Monkeys is justified paranoia.
Screen Adventure
We'll have to get back to that soon - it's about time I attacked a fifth draft. I havnt looked at it now in a long time and some new thoughts about it have been percolating of late
Film & TV on DVD
So any suggestions for self surgery - I recently watched The Road and liked Viggo stapling himself after pulling out the arrow.