JohnDoe
Bryn
BrentonTom Hanks Confirms Oscars Conspiracy!
April 1st 2008 00:20
Tom Hank's startling confession.
Tom Hanks pleads for forgivness
Riddled with guilt and unable to keep quite anymore, multiple Academy Award winner Tom Hanks has admitted that the ceremony is a complete fraud in an interview published today.
For years now the Oscars have seemed to Award the most generic performances and films while ignoring those who truly excel in their field. Speculation that the contest has been rigged for decades now seems to be true.
Despite the vigorous efforts by Academy heads to keep the secret, the statements made at a press conference earlier this year to promote the film Charlie Wilson’s War have now been made public.
Charlie Wilson's War Poster
In the interview, the star of Splash admits, “I had to take a backdoor approach to my campaigning for the gold statue for Forrest Gump”.
He continues, “Sexual favours are the only way to ensure a win…I am not proud of my actions but in order to get a trophy you have to be willing to do what the other guy won’t”
Shocking members of the world press, Julia Robert’s, Hank’s co star in Charlie Wilson’s War also came clean stating, “I am so ashamed…back in 2000 I had to put an 83 year old Weiner in my mouth just to get nominated for Erin Brockovich.”
Julia opens wide
According to those who were there Robert’s was in tears as she revealed this startling revelation. Insiders have said, “What began as a press conference ended up becoming a confessional”
Joe Smith, a reporter for an unnamed entertainment quarterly says, “It was like nothing I have ever witnessed, unprecedented in 23 years in the business.”
This revelation that confirms the often touted “Sexual favours Conspiracy theory” is sending shock waves through Hollywood and the rest of the world.
An unnamed source has said, “Damage control is now in full effect and every effort is being made to try and return some level of credibility to the ceremony before next year”.
Online mogul John Doe of jdmfilmreviews had only this to say, “Happy April Fools day!”
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Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Expected nothing less from the doyen of practical jokes.
Cheers
MNG
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Hope you got a laugh out of it before I showed my hand with the "83 year old weiner" line.
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Aimzster
Health and Beauty
Reality TV
The Jeepney Stop
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
I'm sure you know how much I despise Hanks and Roberts lack of acting skills, so for me this is the only tangible explanation for their wins.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Neither would I, thats why it seemed to be the perfect April fools day prank.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
maybe it was my growing loathing of that homogenised Hanks that put me off guard...I was starting to develop some respect for him...damn...and the Roberts idea seemed to fit perfectly..
however, one wonders about socio/political considerations at times. Years ago I met Al Daff, who boasted about his "Academy" card, actually taking it out to try and intimidate an actor arguing with him at the time, (this was in the seventies, and Daff was out here to try and get big studios in the door, the locals were scared it would eliminate Aussie films, making us a back lot, they won actually, keeping the Hollywood studio system out.).
I remember Daff bragging, "There are only 3,000 members who vote!"
I wondered about who made up the membership, information that was not freely available back then, don't know about now...
cheers,
and you will keep, as they say!
fog
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
82 seemed too young and 84 seemed to old, so 83 seemed like the perfect shrivelled up member to picture in Julia's scary wide jawed teethy gob.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
I think you and I are on the same page with these two blights on the film world.
man you move interesting circles, is that Al Daff the writer of Once Were Warriors that your talking about?
Always awesome to see you drop by.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I used to quite like Tom Hanks - I still adore him in Forrest Gump - but he has gone way downhill. The Terminal... Lord.
I knew this was a prank the moment I hovered over the title and saw 'jdmfilm...' So you, JD.
Mich
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
just looked it up, you are thinking of New Zealander Alan Duff.
Al Daff was a studio flunky for Hollywood, that I remember. He was sent out here in the early seventies, as the Australian film industry was having a brief renaissance of sorts, and he was trying to get the Federal Government, Labor, to agree to allow the big studios to make their films here, because we had talented technicians and actors, who could fill the backgrounds(!), who were were all cheap. And of course, there was the Federal Government investment programme, giving a guaranteed 150 per cent return on film investment!
Many were made, most did not see the light of day! The silly government did not phrase the grants properly, allowing you to get your 150 percent once the film was shot, it said nothing about actually showing the thing! So many unscrupulous people got into making crap films.
This caused the Aussie film industry to collapse more than anything else I suspect, because all the wrong people got involved.
A family member of mine, and other notable figures in the local industry at the time, all protested that, if they allowed Hollywood in, it would be the death of our own Aussie style cinema.
Hollywood lost, we won...temporarily. After that, the Aussie films took a nose dive. Now look at us...
cheers
fog
P.S. I found Daff to be a big talking, self promoting, dismissive, arrogant, egomaniac! But, I was in my late teens and felt a little righteous, and he was presented as the bad guy, trying to destroy our industry. I remember that he had a deep whisky like American accent.
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i was totally taken in!
thats the first april fools thing ive seen all day, and theres only 15 minutes left in my part of the world!
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Comment by What's Your Story?
What's Your Story?
So You're Getting Married
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I was aghast at this bit (and totally fooled):
Shocking members of the world press, Julia Robert’s, Hank’s co star in Charlie Wilson’s War also came clean stating, “I am so ashamed…back in 2000 I had to put an 83 year old Weiner in my mouth just to get nominated for Erin Brockovich.”
Great gag, JD.
Tracy
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
You know me to well
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
As informative and entertaining as ever
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
My work here is done, I can fall a sleep satisfied now!
Thank you.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Again i have to apologise for not letting your own gag go the distance.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Glad to be of service..
Comment by Wayne F
Bucket Movies
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
It just seemed logical at the time. I woke up and thought what is a believable April fools day gag and kaboom it wrote itself...admittedly the first draft was a lot more crass and extreme though..
Always a pleasure to entertain and amuse.
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
I'd like to see that original draft, crass and extreme sounds interesting....
Tracy
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Comment by Scott Rosenberg
Pop Movie Comment
A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That
Nice April Fools
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Maybe one day I might release some "Directors Cuts" of my posts...eg: I did one when Heath Ledger died that I decided was to callous for the time because I was certainly not a fan, in fact quite the opposite (Except for his part in Monster's Ball I thought he was clumsy and very self conscious. eg Brokeback Mountain)
Will eventually share some though I'm sure, once i lure more readers into a false sense of security
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Haven't seen you round these parts for a while and your presence has been missed.
I'm so glad this little gag experiment provided some entertainment.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
If my junk is still in play at 70 it will make me smile.
Thanks for the kudos.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Comment by Bethany
Martian Movies
Although it really WOULD explain a lot. I mean, Marisa Tomei won that Oscar for My Cousin Vinnie...
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Happy to be of service.
I don't mind Marisa Tomei but totally agree that Vinnie was no more of an Oscar worthy performance than Hank's stereotyping role in the hollow Forrest Gump or Julia's pedestrian efforts in Brokovich..all left me dismayed and pondering answers...none should have even been nominated....I really do half believ the story I rote above, it seems the only logical explanation other than financial bribery.
Comment by Bethany
Martian Movies
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Morgan was right, it was worht the click over here!
Wierd.
L...
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
I'm here courtesy of Morgan's top ten list.
I thought he would have taken the back door approach for his Oscar for Philadelphia. Show the judges he had really become one with the character and all that
Love & stuff
Mrs M