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Greetings Film Fiends and welcome to John Doe's Film Blog. 30 years of dedicated celluloid obsession has meant that I have seen a few films. Drawing attention to some of the lesser discussed gems that I love. Cult classics, obscure curios and quality genre pictures. This blogs purpose is to translate some of my passion for these films and with luck, inspire you the reader to go check em out.

Tom Hanks Confirms Oscars Conspiracy!

April 1st 2008 00:20
Tom Hank's startling confession.


Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks pleads for forgivness



Riddled with guilt and unable to keep quite anymore, multiple Academy Award winner Tom Hanks has admitted that the ceremony is a complete fraud in an interview published today.

For years now the Oscars have seemed to Award the most generic performances and films while ignoring those who truly excel in their field. Speculation that the contest has been rigged for decades now seems to be true.

Despite the vigorous efforts by Academy heads to keep the secret, the statements made at a press conference earlier this year to promote the film Charlie Wilson’s War have now been made public.

charlie wilsons war
Charlie Wilson's War Poster



In the interview, the star of Splash admits, “I had to take a backdoor approach to my campaigning for the gold statue for Forrest Gump”.

He continues, “Sexual favours are the only way to ensure a win…I am not proud of my actions but in order to get a trophy you have to be willing to do what the other guy won’t”

Shocking members of the world press, Julia Robert’s, Hank’s co star in Charlie Wilson’s War also came clean stating, “I am so ashamed…back in 2000 I had to put an 83 year old Weiner in my mouth just to get nominated for Erin Brockovich.”

julia roberts
Julia opens wide


According to those who were there Robert’s was in tears as she revealed this startling revelation. Insiders have said, “What began as a press conference ended up becoming a confessional”

Joe Smith, a reporter for an unnamed entertainment quarterly says, “It was like nothing I have ever witnessed, unprecedented in 23 years in the business.”

This revelation that confirms the often touted “Sexual favours Conspiracy theory” is sending shock waves through Hollywood and the rest of the world.

An unnamed source has said, “Damage control is now in full effect and every effort is being made to try and return some level of credibility to the ceremony before next year”.

Online mogul John Doe of jdmfilmreviews had only this to say, “Happy April Fools day!”
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Comments
37 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Mr Nice Guy

April 1st 2008 01:38
Back at ya JD.

Expected nothing less from the doyen of practical jokes.

Cheers

MNG

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 01:46
Thanks MNG,

Hope you got a laugh out of it before I showed my hand with the "83 year old weiner" line.

Comment by Cibbuano

April 1st 2008 02:42

Comment by Aimzster

April 1st 2008 02:44
hahaha...I wouldn't be surprised if it was all true!

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 03:08
Hi Cib,

I'm sure you know how much I despise Hanks and Roberts lack of acting skills, so for me this is the only tangible explanation for their wins.


Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 03:09
Hi Aimzster,

Neither would I, thats why it seemed to be the perfect April fools day prank.

Comment by Damo

April 1st 2008 04:07

Comment by Mountain Fog

April 1st 2008 05:10
you bastard! you sucker punched me perfectly!

maybe it was my growing loathing of that homogenised Hanks that put me off guard...I was starting to develop some respect for him...damn...and the Roberts idea seemed to fit perfectly..

however, one wonders about socio/political considerations at times. Years ago I met Al Daff, who boasted about his "Academy" card, actually taking it out to try and intimidate an actor arguing with him at the time, (this was in the seventies, and Daff was out here to try and get big studios in the door, the locals were scared it would eliminate Aussie films, making us a back lot, they won actually, keeping the Hollywood studio system out.).

I remember Daff bragging, "There are only 3,000 members who vote!"

I wondered about who made up the membership, information that was not freely available back then, don't know about now...

cheers,

and you will keep, as they say!

fog

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 06:44
Hi Damo,

82 seemed too young and 84 seemed to old, so 83 seemed like the perfect shrivelled up member to picture in Julia's scary wide jawed teethy gob.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 06:50
LOL Fog,

I think you and I are on the same page with these two blights on the film world.

man you move interesting circles, is that Al Daff the writer of Once Were Warriors that your talking about?

Always awesome to see you drop by.

Comment by Michaelie

April 1st 2008 07:55
82 seemed too young and 84 seemed to old, so 83 seemed like the perfect shrivelled up member to picture in Julia's scary wide jawed teethy gob.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I used to quite like Tom Hanks - I still adore him in Forrest Gump - but he has gone way downhill. The Terminal... Lord.

I knew this was a prank the moment I hovered over the title and saw 'jdmfilm...' So you, JD.

Mich

Comment by Mountain Fog

April 1st 2008 08:22
Hi JD,

just looked it up, you are thinking of New Zealander Alan Duff.

Al Daff was a studio flunky for Hollywood, that I remember. He was sent out here in the early seventies, as the Australian film industry was having a brief renaissance of sorts, and he was trying to get the Federal Government, Labor, to agree to allow the big studios to make their films here, because we had talented technicians and actors, who could fill the backgrounds(!), who were were all cheap. And of course, there was the Federal Government investment programme, giving a guaranteed 150 per cent return on film investment!

Many were made, most did not see the light of day! The silly government did not phrase the grants properly, allowing you to get your 150 percent once the film was shot, it said nothing about actually showing the thing! So many unscrupulous people got into making crap films.

This caused the Aussie film industry to collapse more than anything else I suspect, because all the wrong people got involved.

A family member of mine, and other notable figures in the local industry at the time, all protested that, if they allowed Hollywood in, it would be the death of our own Aussie style cinema.

Hollywood lost, we won...temporarily. After that, the Aussie films took a nose dive. Now look at us...

cheers

fog

P.S. I found Daff to be a big talking, self promoting, dismissive, arrogant, egomaniac! But, I was in my late teens and felt a little righteous, and he was presented as the bad guy, trying to destroy our industry. I remember that he had a deep whisky like American accent.

cheers

fog

Comment by Morgan Bell

April 1st 2008 12:43
that was fantastic!
i was totally taken in!
thats the first april fools thing ive seen all day, and theres only 15 minutes left in my part of the world!

Comment by Wayne F

April 1st 2008 13:35
Haha that was great John. I pissed myself laughing at the 83 year old Weiner part. Job well done!

Comment by What's Your Story?

April 1st 2008 16:28
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh you got me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Tracy

April 1st 2008 21:27
He he, I thought it was strange that it was Tom Hanks doing the blabbing. He seems too wimpy to do something like that.

I was aghast at this bit (and totally fooled):

Shocking members of the world press, Julia Robert’s, Hank’s co star in Charlie Wilson’s War also came clean stating, “I am so ashamed…back in 2000 I had to put an 83 year old Weiner in my mouth just to get nominated for Erin Brockovich.”


Great gag, JD.

Tracy

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 22:50
Hi Michaelie,

You know me to well

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 22:59
Thanks for the info Fog,

As informative and entertaining as ever

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 23:01
Hi Morgan,

My work here is done, I can fall a sleep satisfied now!

Thank you.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 23:02
Thanks Wayne F,

Again i have to apologise for not letting your own gag go the distance.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 23:05
Hi What's your story,

Glad to be of service..

Comment by Wayne F

April 1st 2008 23:11
Meh it's all good John, people fell for it either way. You probably saved me from a large mob coming after me with pitchforks and blazing torches.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 1st 2008 23:25
Hi Tracy,

It just seemed logical at the time. I woke up and thought what is a believable April fools day gag and kaboom it wrote itself...admittedly the first draft was a lot more crass and extreme though..

Always a pleasure to entertain and amuse.

Comment by Tracy

April 1st 2008 23:31
Hi John

I'd like to see that original draft, crass and extreme sounds interesting....

Tracy

Comment by Lara M

April 2nd 2008 02:18
<LOL> U got me! Like Tracy, I was surprised that it'd be Tom Hanks to *blab*...and Julia and a 83...!!! That's when I got a bit sussed...but u still got me

Comment by Scott Rosenberg

April 3rd 2008 02:31
Damn, when I'm 83 I hope my weiner will still see some action.

Nice April Fools

Comment by KylieW

April 3rd 2008 03:41
Nice work, I like it a lot!

Comment by JohnDoe

April 5th 2008 04:09
Hi Tracy,

Maybe one day I might release some "Directors Cuts" of my posts...eg: I did one when Heath Ledger died that I decided was to callous for the time because I was certainly not a fan, in fact quite the opposite (Except for his part in Monster's Ball I thought he was clumsy and very self conscious. eg Brokeback Mountain)

Will eventually share some though I'm sure, once i lure more readers into a false sense of security

Comment by JohnDoe

April 5th 2008 04:11
Hi Lara M,

Haven't seen you round these parts for a while and your presence has been missed.

I'm so glad this little gag experiment provided some entertainment.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 5th 2008 04:12
Hi Scott,

If my junk is still in play at 70 it will make me smile.

Thanks for the kudos.

Comment by JohnDoe

April 5th 2008 04:14
As always Kylie, you too make me smile with your kindness....I feel I'm still the biggest fool of all

Comment by Bethany

April 9th 2008 02:07
Ack! Eight days later you still got me!

Although it really WOULD explain a lot. I mean, Marisa Tomei won that Oscar for My Cousin Vinnie...

Comment by JohnDoe

April 9th 2008 07:56
Hi Bethany,

Happy to be of service.

I don't mind Marisa Tomei but totally agree that Vinnie was no more of an Oscar worthy performance than Hank's stereotyping role in the hollow Forrest Gump or Julia's pedestrian efforts in Brokovich..all left me dismayed and pondering answers...none should have even been nominated....I really do half believ the story I rote above, it seems the only logical explanation other than financial bribery.




Comment by Bethany

April 9th 2008 17:46
It's why I don't watch the Oscars, or give movies that have been nominated or awarded any extra consideration. It's just hard to take it seriously as an award.

Comment by Bryn

April 9th 2008 22:58
I'm a little late to the party, but it was the weiner line that spilt the beans for me as well ... good work dude.

Comment by Lilla

July 20th 2008 00:08
Hahahaha JD,

Morgan was right, it was worht the click over here!

) neither are my favourites either and yet both have shared the prestigious aspect of having represented some of the most powerful true stories of the century?

Wierd.

L...

Comment by Mrs M

July 20th 2008 10:11
Hi JD,

I'm here courtesy of Morgan's top ten list.

I thought he would have taken the back door approach for his Oscar for Philadelphia. Show the judges he had really become one with the character and all that

Love & stuff
Mrs M

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